why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
