i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
