ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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