She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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