i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
