yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
