So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
