She's JV to your varsity
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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