Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dicks are not precious.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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