I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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