What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
