i wish my penis had a tongue
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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