My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This toilet bowl is my home.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
