Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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