Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize