I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
