Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
