so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
