I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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