Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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