someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
