Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
