do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
