when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
