Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
