Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
