Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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