I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
