This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
