I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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