How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
