we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
