Kiss
Puke
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
