Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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