I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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