i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
