i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
