ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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