so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
