: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
