It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
