I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
