We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
