There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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