the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I would ride that face into the sunset
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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