This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
