I'm gonna have a badass scar
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
