Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
