I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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