So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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