If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize