Where is the hickey?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
