You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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