A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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