Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
