She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
