Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
