Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
