I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
