wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
