I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
