well I can't set my house on fire every night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
