finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
