I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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