I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
bring money and cleavage
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
