Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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