We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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